8~When Fear Becomes a Reality

If you think you're the one in control, Life comes along and shows you you're not,

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Chapter 8

Duncan tossed and turned in his black silk sheets. The alcohol, drugs, and a willing woman to do his bidding, didn’t bring the satisfaction or the rest he had been hoping for. A soft snore came from beside him, and he glanced at Angelica, who was out cold. On any other night, he would have woken her up and gone another round, but now he was fighting, waking her up, and telling her to go home. As he lay there staring at the ceiling, Duncan gathered his thoughts and wondered what had happened. Just a couple days ago, the idea of not being married and having everything all to himself was his end goal. Where was the thrill of the hunt that always drove him forward? Where was the satisfaction of having his way? For the life of him, he didn’t know, and he didn’t know how to find out either. After another snore, Duncan threw off the sheets and decided that some T.V. would be a better alternative than putting a pillow over Angelica’s face.

The remote sat in his hand as he flipped through endless channels for something to watch. With all the money he spent on cable, internet, and prime networks, he thought that at three o’clock in the morning, there should be something on to help keep his brain from going over the last twenty-four hours, but there wasn’t. So, the next best thing was a snack. Tossing the remote aside, he walked into the darkened kitchen and grabbed a soda from the fridge. The carbonation soothed the sour stomach and ran his hand over his face just standing there, having the moment of peace he had been searching for.

The voices on the T.V. were a soft hum in the background when a commercial came on and came on like someone had put the volume on high. “Have you found yourself in desperate need of help? Do you feel like you’re drowning in a world that doesn’t care about you? Has the hardship of this life made you seek out drugs, alcohol, and earthy pleasures to drown out the way you feel inside? Listen, I have the answer to help you with all those problems; come to Jesus,” The voice from the T.V. said, making Duncan choke on his soda and glance over his shoulder. A gray-haired man sat within a blue background holding a bible in his hand.

“The word of God is what you need to help set you free. All you have to do to find that peace is,” then the T.V. went blank.

“What the hell?” Duncan walked over and hit the on button to the remote, and the T.V. flashed back on, but the commercial was over. “What is going on?” He murmured, looking around the room. But he knew what was happening; he knew it like he knew his own name. The feeling had been building up in him since the night of that horrific nightmare, and he threw the remote to the floor, shattering it. “Who are you!” He shouted, turning every which way, glaring everywhere his eyes hit. A chuckle came from the darkness, and Duncan shot around, staring off into a dark corner. “Who’s there?” But no one answered.

There are only a handful of times when Duncan has been afraid in his life. He, of course, had been nervous or worried but afraid; that just wasn’t him. But at that moment, he knew what fear was, and it was breathing down his back. He was more afraid than at any other time in his life. “What do you want from me!” He seethed, and a coldness washed over him. It was so cold that his breath left him, and his knees felt weak. “God damn you!” he gasped, and a chuckle came again. “I am king in this house, so get the fuck out and leave me the hell alone,” He roared, and like that, the coldness was gone, and he could breathe, but the feeling of being watched was still there.

Unease washed over him. It was like he was in a fight, but he couldn’t see who he was fighting, only that they had the upper hand. Duncan’s knees trembled; there was no place to go, no one who could understand this craziness. His hands went through his hair as he turned around the apartment, not knowing what to do next when a raspy voice caught his attention. “Who are you yelling at?” Angelica asked.

Duncan turned, his breath coming hard, and saw in the shadow of the glow from the T.V. the creamy soft skin and the perfect body exposed for his eyes. He did not like the feeling of being out of control. Nevertheless, he was the master of his destiny, and there was one way to prove he was. Dropping his robe to the floor, he scooped Angelica graphically in his arms, took her mouth just as violently, and returned to his bedroom as a dark shadow moved along the front room and out of sight.

The day was damp, the air moist with water, as Duncan sat on a park bench watching children play off in the distance. He shivered as he wiped some moisture off his face and wondered why the children didn’t go home when he saw that the sun was shining where they were. “I want to feel the sun on my face too,”

“That can’t happen for you,” A voice stated.

“What?” Duncan asked, turning to see a man next to him. He was pale, with hair as white as the snow and a face that was square and masculine. His eyes and eerie amber were surrounded with black smudges outlining them with a long scar going over his right eye. He wore a tailored gray suit with a black shirt and a silken black tie with a gold tiepin shaped like a snake with a ruby eye. “Who are you?”

The man took out a cigarette and struck a match and lit it. “Let’s just say I’ve been watching you for a long time. You might say I’m an admirer of you and how you do business,” the man grinned.

“Have we met before?” Duncan asked, wondering if this guy had a grudge over him destroying his daddy’s business. “Look, if you got issues with the way I do things, go take it up with my lawyer,”

The man chuckled. “Why would I do that. You have brought so many people unhappiness that my boss is very pleased with the way you work and wants you to continue,”

“Boss? Who is your boss,”

“That’s of no concern to you. Just keep doing what you are doing. Sleep with your women, do drugs, make money, and lead the life you want,”

“I always do what I want. And right now, I’m going to leave your sorry ass and go take a walk in the sun,” Duncan growled, going to stand but couldn’t.

“Like I said, you can’t have the sun. You are corrupted, dirty to the core of your being; do you think you deserve to walk in the sunshine? After all, you’ve done in your life, do you think you could ever walk in the sunlight? You are a fool if you think that’s true. The best you can do is walk the course that you’re on and take as many stupid, gullible souls with you to hell,”

“I don’t want to go to hell,”

“But of course you do. What do you think your whole life has been coursing towards. You enjoy the rush of doing what is bad, what is wrong. Embrace it, fulfill your life’s work, and you’ve been rewarded for it.”

“Rewarded. What in the hell are you talking about? I’m the one who spent my life working my ass off, making deals, greasing the right wheels, and shaking all the hands of the fat bastards so I can make my next move. I did that, not you or whoever your boss is, me!”

“That’s what I’m talking about; keep that my mentality, my friend… it will take you far in life,”

Duncan stopped and let the last part of the man’s sentence sink in. “And what happens after? I mean, after I die? That is what you are replying to, right?”

“Why worry about the future? Live for the now,”

“What,” Duncan murmured when a thought crossed his mind. Well, not so much as a thought, but a statement the raggedy preacher had said as he walked away. “The devil wonders around like a hungry lion, looking for someone to devour,”

A deep growl came from beside him, and the man’s eyes glowed red. “This is the shit I’m talking about, Duncan. Stay away from those do-gooders; they will see you lose everything. Is that what you want, to be pathetic and poor?”

“No, I don’t want that,”

“Good, then turn your back on God and keep showing him who’s the boss.” The man chuckled.

Duncan glanced up at the children and the smiles on their faces with the sun shining down on them in the warmth, and there was a pull to go to them, to no longer walk in the gray and cold, “I think I’m going to go now,” he whispered, and this time his legs could move. He started to stand when the man took him by the throat and pushed him back down.

“You will never be clean. You will never be accepted in the sun; your sins weigh you down like a millstone. How could anyone holy ever forgive a wretch like you?” the man snarled as Duncan dug his fingers around the man’s ice-cold hands to get him to loosen his grasp on his throat. “Why struggle when you know I’m telling the truth,”

“No, no, let me go,” but the man’s hands tightened, and Duncan’s eyes flashed open. He was in his bedroom. He saw Angelica and the girl she had called to come over, lying beside him. “It was a dream, just another dream,” he sighed and started to sit up, but he couldn’t.

The coldness he felt was back, and as he struggled to bring his arms up, he couldn’t. His body wouldn’t move, and his voice wouldn’t work. He was struggling with the unseen force from earlier, and then he heard the chuckle and saw the faint gray outline of someone on top of him. Coldness washed over him, and fear struck him in the heart. He was powerless against whatever had ahold of him.

Tears came down his face as the chuckle came again, mocking him. Then when he had no more struggle left in him, one word came to mind, and he tried to speak but still couldn’t. He fought until he thought the man in his dream was right; there was no hope, and then he prayed in his head. If you are really there, God, I need your help. If you help me now, I will come to you. Tell me what to say to make this stop. And then he said the one word that was placed on his heart to say… “Jesus,”

The powers that held him down released him as soon as the name came from his lips. The coldness was gone; instead, the warmth he had longed for in his dream replaced the coldness in his heart.